Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.
Everyone who knows me, knows I don’t really like the holidays. I like them less than my birthday, and to be honest, I’d love to go somewhere remote and secluded from a week before Halloween until a week after New Years. I get argument after argument about this, so lets just accept it as fact. I try never to hamper anyone’s good time, I guess I just have too many hang ups to enjoy it all.
Tomorrow I think will be the most difficult Thanksgiving I’ve faced for quite sometime. My life is nowhere near where I’d like it to be. I’m broke, out of work, on the edge of giving up the freedom that I had decided to get back into my life, and 1,500 miles away from the person I want to be with.
Yeah, it’s gonna be a bleak day, inside of a bleak month, buried in a bleak winter.
But I’ll have my kids. My boys. The two greatest things that have ever happened to me. I’ve forgotten a lot in life but I like to think that even when I close my eyes for the last time, I’ll remember the exact seconds that I held them both for the first time.
Needless to say, I take a lot of photos of my kids. To begin with, they’re easy targets. They’re my flesh & blood so there’s no way they tell me stop anyway. Jack hides from me now, but I manage to catch him when he’s not looking. James… well James tolerates me. He’s started to play with my camera, but he still has trouble working the buttons. My mother got a new camera recently and we gave the old one to the boys. James especially loves it, he takes photos of all sorts of things, and I love seeing what he sees. He’ll be better than me someday. The interesting thing about that is he’s named after my Grandfather, James Killeen, who was a great photographer who passed his talent to my mom, who passed some of it to me.
So tomorrow will be another day of tickles, playing on the floor, goofing off, and me hitting the bed exhausted after them both wearing me out. I’ll sleep good. I tend to briefly forget my woes for the time being, even if it’s just for a few minutes while I play “I spy” with Jack or James is sitting on my lap. Sure things are pretty crappy right now, but Jack and James are still smiling, and they both still say “I love you daddy.”